We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
