i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
