Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
