Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
