so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
