Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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