if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
