Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
