Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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