by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She told me I should be a condom model.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
