when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
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I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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