my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And then he peed in my hair
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