So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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