I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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