remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
please come you make the beer taste better
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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