I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
