Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My vagina just recognized that song.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
