so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
