we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
