yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my being single is dangerous.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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