My room smells like vodka and shame
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
