I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
