true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
wow bdsm is so cute
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
