Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
