She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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