Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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