Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
