oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
