Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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