when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
