Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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