I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
