I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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