Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
