We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
