You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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