If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
