Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
