when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm sobbing to NWA
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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