i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
