I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he thought i was a dude.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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