i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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