only if we run a train.
done.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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