Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
