Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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