Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
