so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
