mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Boobs speak an international language.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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