she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
