Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's official drugs can't kill me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize