No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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