You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
