Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
