So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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