I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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